There are days when my patience grows thin and I lose it totally. I try hard, really hard every moment not to get mad on you but I can’t help it. It’s for your good only, I need to discipline you, you need to learn manners, sharing and loving each other. I don’t expect you to behave like well-behaved grown ups. I surely want you to live and enjoy your childhood to the fullest, do all possible mischieves that you can do and that I can’t even imagine in my weirdest dreams. I want you to play in the mud, get dirty, explore my kitchen, make the mess and make impossible possible. But at the same time, I want you not to behave like an alien and treat me as a human too. Today was surely one of those days and I was highly irritated while potty train you. I know you both had secretly planned to make your Mom crazy today by taking off your diapers and pajamas and pooping everywhere except the toilet.
And when that was not enough, you put all your toys on your poop (All this in 10 mins while I was attending a delivery boy). On top of that, while I was cleaning the mess after washing you both, I could still hear you bickering in the other room, giggling and plotting for some other master stroke.
Are you really testing my patience?
On such days, after tucking you in bed, I peek in your door and watch you sleeping with your favourite soft toy buried under your chin and your innocent face squished against your pillow. And I wonder how I could I do this to you? How could I ever get frustrated at you? All my anger vanishes and my heart melts just by a glance of yours. Just a sight of yours is enough to calm me down and all other things seem silly. You are my life lines. My stress busters.
Even when I am crabby in the morning trying to finish my tea between cracking eggs into the pan for your breakfast. Even when you get into my blanket at night and sleep over my arm and I can’t move and I wish for few more hours of rest. Even when you cry for no reason and run around the house with your sipper, spilling water everywhere. Even when you aren’t thankful for the food I cook for you and push it back, making faces and saying “NOOOOO”. Even then, I’d rather be here, tired, sulky but still cooking for you than anywhere else in the world.
You know I had always dreamt of having twins since college days, but I never knew God will actually listen to my prayers. You were prayed for, longed for, and wanted with all of my heart. I wouldn’t trade these moments of frustration, tiredness for anything in the entire world. I wouldn’t trade this life for the one where I was refreshed. I wouldn’t trade a second of the pain that comes with raising you up for any other life. Not even in a trillion of years I would.
I admit, I get mad. I get frustrated. I get very very upset and dead tired but I’d still pick up your toys, crayons, clothes and clean the mess endless times. You know why? Because I am the luckiest person that I get to be your Mamma. Because I’m the richest person in the entire universe to have two precious jewels around me, I am the happiest person that I get to raise you. It is my biggest joy to wake you up daily morning and singing lullaby for you every night.
I know I’m not a pro in parenting, I’m not even close to a perfect mom. I lose it, I overreact, I make big issues out of small things, I make mistakes but most importantly, I love you. I love you more than anything is this world, more than myself. My heart is all yours. I promise to love you and live for you today and tomorrow.
With lots of love, forever yours,
M for Mamma 🙂
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